I’ve never really been good at anything. My mum’s going to hate me for saying that. But it’s pretty true. I mean, I’m good at things, but I have never excelled at one thing in particular. On top of that, I’m very hard on myself, and haven’t always believed in myself. I think this all comes down to hiding behind the multitudes of extra kilos I was carrying around for way too long, and hence, I’ve never been comfortable in my own skin, and I’m sure a lot of people could level with me on that one. It wasn’t until I started seriously hitting the gym, that this was the outlook I had on myself… that I was just an Average Joe.
Prior to 2012, I had tried and tried, but had never managed to budge hefty amounts of weight. I, like many others, would look for the quick fix. I tried countless fad diets, did the soup diet, even went as far as looking into the Lemon Detox diet (I don’t actually know how people do that, it looks heinous). Each time I would lose 5 kgs, then put it all back on, plus more. Like many others out there, I thought it was impossible, and that I would never have the willpower and drive to do it. I thought exercise was a chore, and as soon as I began to strictly ‘diet’, I would have to eat chicken and broccoli for every meal, day in and day out, for the rest of my life… Nobody got time for that.
Deep down, I had wanted this forever. But did I do anything about it? No. Did I tell anyone (other than my mum) about it? No.
I reached a point where enough was enough. I had had enough. I can’t really put my finger on anything in particular, but it would come down to a number of things… maybe reaching a size 20, maybe tipping the scales at an unfathomable weight, or just genuinely feeling so self-conscious, that I would have rathered just go and hide under a rock. I had had enough of being this vibrant exterior, when really I was so mentally poor on the inside.
When I began to lose weight, and lose it properly, I found this fire inside of me. It was like the wick had never been lit my entire life, then suddenly BOOM, no need for a candle; a full blown 100 degree heat bushfire had been lit inside me, and the firemen just couldn’t put it out. It took me a while to realise that if I focused on something, I could achieve anything. And when I realised this, I felt like this big door to the world had opened up, and the world was my oyster. As silly as this might sound, I felt like I had found something that I was good at. I was good at losing weight! I was good at lifting weights! And I was getting stronger and feeling better every day.
When I was overseas, the firemen got to my bushfire, and put it out. And by the time I got home, I had a burnt candle wick, and no matches.
However, once again, through some means that I cannot pinpoint to one particular moment, I found some matches, and my wick has been relit. And within no time, I feel like that bushfire is going to engulf my body again, and there will be no fireman in sight to put it out.
Everyone has goals. Whether they be to lose 5kgs, to run 5kms, to graduate with honours, to buy a house, or to see the world; find that inner wick, get out the redheads, and light your fire.
Ignite the flame and let it shine. No one but you can do it, but once you have it lit, I can promise you, there really won’t be any stopping you.